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COcks and Pretzals
By: Rurik, 2005
for really bad puns X3;

NOTE! this fic was written as a bit of a rebound. you see, someone sent in a fanfic that was SO AWFUL that it actually encouraged other people to write, cause they thought 'MY GOD! i couldn't be THAT bad!' well, Rurik spun it a bit of another way.

"MY GOD!" rurik said, reading what is now known as The Badfic, "I could pull a better fic out of my ass!"

And he did.


Kyo looked at the clock. it was one in the afternoon. Looking up, he saw a mop. Behind the mop were a pair of moody eyes. Angry moody eyes. Kyo grudgingly got up.

"Morning," Kyo muttered. "What's up?" Grey thrusted an empty bag of pretzals into Kyo's hands. "Aww. Christmas already?" Kyo mock-beamed at Grey. Grey pointed angrily towards Kyo's cluttered kitchen. Meandering into the kitchen, Kyo looked around, trying to figure out what was up with Grey. Grey shuffled around the kitchen, flinging open empty cabinet after empty cabinet. He opened the cold, bare refrigerator and crossed his arms, staring at Kyo.

"Damn, no grub?" Kyo reached into his pocket, and finding some wadded up bills, he smiled. "Easily remedied. Come on. Jeed-O-Mart's got food." Kyo walked out the door, leaving it wide open for Grey to follow. Grey closed the door, locked it behind him and went about his moody way. The two walked along the familiar path to the convience store, the silence being broken only by the sound of shouting in the distance. As they rounded the corner, they found a large ring of people, yelling at something in the center. Kyo tapped the closest guy, a floppy-eared hekshanian in a bandana.

"Hey man,what's goin' on?" Kyo did inquire to the unfamiliar chap.

"Cockfight, mi amigo," the apparantly Latin American fellow responded. Kyo smirked a little bit.

"What's with joo, mayn?"

"Cock." Grey brought his hand to his face.

"What?"

"You said cock," The Mexishanian stared at Kyo, a confused look on his face. "See, It's funny, because it means Pen-" Grey dragged Kyo away from the Mexishanian, who at this moment was looking rather annoyed.

A few blocks and a shortcut later, the dynamic duo had finally reached the Jeed-O-Mart, the city's snack emporium of choice. Kyo waved to Jeed, the elderly store keeper and went to business, as Grey stood at the door. Kyo grabbed enough food to last a week, and enough Vodka to last him the night and headed to the counter.

" 's This all?" the elderly shopkeep asked.

"I think so. Ya want anything, Grey?" Grey carefully handed Kyo a bag of pretzels, which was added to the pile of junkfood on the counter. Jeed rang it up as Kyo shoved it into paper bags, unaware or completely indifferent to their shattering. Grey snatched his pretzels from atop the pile, keeping them safe from Kyo's smash-happy frenzy. The pair walked out the door, Kyo already drinking his vodka, Grey snacking on his salty treats.

As they rounded the corner of the fight, they were suprised to find a mass of passed out bodies. A rooseter lied on the ground, dead, surrounded by the unconcious carcasses of belligerent spectators. The Mexishanian lied on the ground, the surviving rooster pecking at his head. Kyo laughed.

"Heh. Cock." The two walked back to Kyo's place, Grey's face in his hands.