happy agent cooper arriving in the town of twin peaks day?
it was a very very touch and go couple days for my father in the hospital. the tumor was removed, but then there was a hole in the intestine that was not fully sealed which lead to him beginning to go septic. he was not doing good at all. didn't know what day it was, was asking for things that didnt make sense. once they brought him back into the OR the second time, it took him a long long time to wake up. for those not super medically literate reading, sepsis is deadly. we're really very fortunate that he was taken back in when he was and i only wish he'd been taken back in SOONER because he was in unimaginable pain. pain that IV administered prescription only pain killers were not touching.
so i haven't had a lot of rest myself.
there was a moment there right before the blizzard was hitting but before he was taken back into the OR where i was trying to swallow the knowledge that i might very well be trapped in new england regardless of if i could afford to fly to alabama where he is, and that he might die without me being there. did not like that. did not feel great sitting with that.
but yesterday he was able to eat soft solids and was lucid, and attentive, watching the weather channel on hospital tv. i talked to him only briefly - 43 seconds on my phone's timer - before he felt exhausted and wanted to rest. i dont wonder why. he just spent three days at death's door. but it's a relief to hear hes' doing better in terms of surgical recovery.
the pathology report came in yesterday for him but i'm missing some pages. i think it's likely a stage 1 cancer based on what i did have to read. i didn't see any notes on lymph node biopsies, and research was showing me that they need something like 17 nodes in colorectal cancer to say they've successfully confirmed no sign in the lymphatic system. because of this i think the doctor is advising they treat it as a stage 2 cancer and still go through with chemotherapy out of an abundance of caution. i understand this logic for sure. i was offered a chance to be less aggressive in treating my (stage 3) cancer, and i said no way - go big or go home. not that this is what anyone WANTED, but it being a low stage cancer is a relief to me personally. cis men have a tendency to avoid healthcare until it's past the point of no return, and i was very afraid that's what they were going to find happened to my dad.
the last few days i've been struggling to catch up on rest and banish the exhaustion migraine that came with it. even though i thought i was sleeping at night, i can only guess i wasn't getting real rest. stress is a beast.
my own health... no change. finished a second course of antibiotics only to have the skin issue still flare up towards the tail end. so... next step is to go see a specialist in dermatology. my guess is they'll take a skin sample to biopsy and see if they can learn anything.
i haven't been able to get much work done through all this. so i'm really stressed over money. but theres really not much for that other than to try to work as best i can.
it has made me think i ought to raise my livestream prices, however. while there are some people for whom i feel the current price is more than fair (20$ usd into zloty is a lot, for example!) there are some who really continue to treat it like a drive-thru fast food joint. no concern for me, or my father. just want the maximum drawing effort for the minimum pay. and i really do not want to deal with that, especially when it's clear that they don't even care if i literally have a parent at death's door. all i can think is raising the sticker price might discourage them from appearing at all. or it might just be a repeat of what happened when i had cancer where literally all my support vanishes because ew icky you're struggling that's a DOWNER
also had someone similarly inappropriately asking me how i was - and i would tell them how touch and go it was with my dad's surgical recovery - and they would immediately ignore that and ask me for money.
i think the problem is that when i try to be kind and share what little i have with as many people as i can, trash people show up and take advantage. and it leaves me feeling like i lack any humanity in anyone else's eyes. which is not a good place to be mentally when already under a lot of stress from my own health issues and my father's.
otherwise, things are fine i guess. a lot of snow. more snow coming. alph and i went to a midevil night market at a local apple orchard for valentines and it was really cool. i brought home a skunk pelt, the closest i will ever get to having a pet skunk probably.
finished playing apollo justice! it really was a better game over-all than the 3rd phoenix wright. while there were some good cases in PW3 there were also some REAL stinkers and some BAD writing stuffed in where they thought no one would notice it as pure filler. but apollo justice was overall just an improvement in consistantly good, clever and intruiging mysteries that were written well. i do feel like character designs were a little less inspired, but it's hard to top some of the early PW designs. the only real gripe i can say i have with apollo justice is that prosecuter klavier looks like he's an adult constantly hitting on children, bending over and referring to 14yo trucy as frauline. but i liked him much more on the musical stage than behind the bar. really tho phoenix running around in the background in slides and a track jacket and beanie causing problems for apollo and being a regular at the hospital was great. he was so happy. he was so free. let phoenix stay out of law. :( alas i hear that is not allowed. hacked 3ds has the next game (dual destinies) loaded up ready to go, i just need to feel cognitively back together again after everything else.
ah there was also a whole thing where alph's boss was overstepping her authority n threatening to fire him for .... taking sick time he had available with doctor notes during a back injury. she is still trying to do it, but the independant authority for longer term sick leave approved all his doctor documentation as valid so if she continues to push her opinion that it is not (this woman runs the post office like donald trump istg) she can enjoy it being taken up the ladder. she's already in a fight not just with the rural postal carrier union but also the city postal carrier union and ALSO the clerk postal carrier union for her disregard of employment contracts. and gee wouldnt you know, it seems like the two queer postal employees are the one she directs the most of her ire and hostility and threats towards! isnt living in the usa such fun right now.
well. my scalp behind my right ear is swollen and incredibly painful so i guess i should go apply a warm compress. i guess whatever it is is not bacterial and that's all we know right now. ha h a ha watch it be a second cancer like leukemia or something tho. that would just be the story of my life.
later
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it was a very very touch and go couple days for my father in the hospital. the tumor was removed, but then there was a hole in the intestine that was not fully sealed which lead to him beginning to go septic. he was not doing good at all. didn't know what day it was, was asking for things that didnt make sense. once they brought him back into the OR the second time, it took him a long long time to wake up. for those not super medically literate reading, sepsis is deadly. we're really very fortunate that he was taken back in when he was and i only wish he'd been taken back in SOONER because he was in unimaginable pain. pain that IV administered prescription only pain killers were not touching.
so i haven't had a lot of rest myself.
there was a moment there right before the blizzard was hitting but before he was taken back into the OR where i was trying to swallow the knowledge that i might very well be trapped in new england regardless of if i could afford to fly to alabama where he is, and that he might die without me being there. did not like that. did not feel great sitting with that.
but yesterday he was able to eat soft solids and was lucid, and attentive, watching the weather channel on hospital tv. i talked to him only briefly - 43 seconds on my phone's timer - before he felt exhausted and wanted to rest. i dont wonder why. he just spent three days at death's door. but it's a relief to hear hes' doing better in terms of surgical recovery.
the pathology report came in yesterday for him but i'm missing some pages. i think it's likely a stage 1 cancer based on what i did have to read. i didn't see any notes on lymph node biopsies, and research was showing me that they need something like 17 nodes in colorectal cancer to say they've successfully confirmed no sign in the lymphatic system. because of this i think the doctor is advising they treat it as a stage 2 cancer and still go through with chemotherapy out of an abundance of caution. i understand this logic for sure. i was offered a chance to be less aggressive in treating my (stage 3) cancer, and i said no way - go big or go home. not that this is what anyone WANTED, but it being a low stage cancer is a relief to me personally. cis men have a tendency to avoid healthcare until it's past the point of no return, and i was very afraid that's what they were going to find happened to my dad.
the last few days i've been struggling to catch up on rest and banish the exhaustion migraine that came with it. even though i thought i was sleeping at night, i can only guess i wasn't getting real rest. stress is a beast.
my own health... no change. finished a second course of antibiotics only to have the skin issue still flare up towards the tail end. so... next step is to go see a specialist in dermatology. my guess is they'll take a skin sample to biopsy and see if they can learn anything.
i haven't been able to get much work done through all this. so i'm really stressed over money. but theres really not much for that other than to try to work as best i can.
it has made me think i ought to raise my livestream prices, however. while there are some people for whom i feel the current price is more than fair (20$ usd into zloty is a lot, for example!) there are some who really continue to treat it like a drive-thru fast food joint. no concern for me, or my father. just want the maximum drawing effort for the minimum pay. and i really do not want to deal with that, especially when it's clear that they don't even care if i literally have a parent at death's door. all i can think is raising the sticker price might discourage them from appearing at all. or it might just be a repeat of what happened when i had cancer where literally all my support vanishes because ew icky you're struggling that's a DOWNER
also had someone similarly inappropriately asking me how i was - and i would tell them how touch and go it was with my dad's surgical recovery - and they would immediately ignore that and ask me for money.
i think the problem is that when i try to be kind and share what little i have with as many people as i can, trash people show up and take advantage. and it leaves me feeling like i lack any humanity in anyone else's eyes. which is not a good place to be mentally when already under a lot of stress from my own health issues and my father's.
otherwise, things are fine i guess. a lot of snow. more snow coming. alph and i went to a midevil night market at a local apple orchard for valentines and it was really cool. i brought home a skunk pelt, the closest i will ever get to having a pet skunk probably.
finished playing apollo justice! it really was a better game over-all than the 3rd phoenix wright. while there were some good cases in PW3 there were also some REAL stinkers and some BAD writing stuffed in where they thought no one would notice it as pure filler. but apollo justice was overall just an improvement in consistantly good, clever and intruiging mysteries that were written well. i do feel like character designs were a little less inspired, but it's hard to top some of the early PW designs. the only real gripe i can say i have with apollo justice is that prosecuter klavier looks like he's an adult constantly hitting on children, bending over and referring to 14yo trucy as frauline. but i liked him much more on the musical stage than behind the bar. really tho phoenix running around in the background in slides and a track jacket and beanie causing problems for apollo and being a regular at the hospital was great. he was so happy. he was so free. let phoenix stay out of law. :( alas i hear that is not allowed. hacked 3ds has the next game (dual destinies) loaded up ready to go, i just need to feel cognitively back together again after everything else.
ah there was also a whole thing where alph's boss was overstepping her authority n threatening to fire him for .... taking sick time he had available with doctor notes during a back injury. she is still trying to do it, but the independant authority for longer term sick leave approved all his doctor documentation as valid so if she continues to push her opinion that it is not (this woman runs the post office like donald trump istg) she can enjoy it being taken up the ladder. she's already in a fight not just with the rural postal carrier union but also the city postal carrier union and ALSO the clerk postal carrier union for her disregard of employment contracts. and gee wouldnt you know, it seems like the two queer postal employees are the one she directs the most of her ire and hostility and threats towards! isnt living in the usa such fun right now.
well. my scalp behind my right ear is swollen and incredibly painful so i guess i should go apply a warm compress. i guess whatever it is is not bacterial and that's all we know right now. ha h a ha watch it be a second cancer like leukemia or something tho. that would just be the story of my life.
later
